Creative Vulnerability

I have a lot of questions.

As a child, I was one of those dreamy-eyes kids who tirelessly asked questions, then devoured books looking for answers. I loved college and grad school because they offered some answers and raised new questions, and they also provided me with a context and community to discuss and argue and dream.

Questions inspire me to write.

With The Silence of Trees, I wondered about the nature of evil. I wanted to know what made people react so differently to a horrible experience like war. There were other things too: questions about identity, roots, sacrifice, love.

There’s a word in Ukrainian, one of my favorite words: rozdoomlyna. It translates roughly to “lost in thought,” but it always feels heavier and more substantial than that, as if the thoughts themselves are concrete and engulfing like fog.

For the past week, I’ve been rozdoomlyna–mulling something over, rolling it around: the idea of creative vulnerability.

The words came out of a conversation last week at the Everleigh Club. This year I was asked to be one of the Artists in Residence at the Club. I had been one of the finalists for their Naked Girls Reading Literary Prize, and when Everleigh Club founders Franky Vivid and Michelle L’amour invited me to participate in the program, I was flattered and intrigued. We had our second meeting last week, and Franky gave a talk about the vulnerability of the artist. Ever since that lively discussion, two questions have been on my mind: What is creative vulnerability? Am I vulnerable as an artist?

My initial thought on the subject was that an artist who is vulnerable somehow gives his or her audience permission to connect. But how?

I think it’s easier to assess the vulnerability of artists who participate in the delivery of their work: the singer, actor, dancer, musician. They are present in their art, but what about the painter, whose subjects may or may not reflect a part of him or herself. What of the photographer, whose photographs may capture someone else’s vulnerability? Does that also translate into his vulnerability as an artist? What about the vulnerability of the writer?

If writing nonfiction, particularly in the first person point of view, it may be more obvious. But what about Shakespeare? Rilke? Whitman? Tolkein? How do we assess their vulnerability?

The poet seems to project an assumed vulnerability. So too the self-portrait of the painter. Is it only in the self-portrait that we can assess true creative vulnerability?

Neil Gaiman recently released a photograph taken of him with his wife, Amanda Palmer, naked in bed. (You can see the photo here.)

The photo was part of a series by Kyle Cassidy created to accompany Amanda’s song, “The Bed Song” that will only be available via her kickstarter project.

The song and the photograph seem to be wrapped up in this idea of creative vulnerability, as is Neil’s blog entry about the experience, but I wonder which one of the three is the best example?

I realize that I haven’t really come up with a definition of creative vulnerability, and I come back to questions.

Questions seem to be an important part of vulnerability.

We live in a society that does not value vulnerability. It’s often misunderstood as weakness. In school, kids were afraid to ask questions because they thought it made them look foolish somehow.  As an instructor, I knew the opposite was true. However, questions do reveal something about the person who is doing the asking. They reveal an admission to not knowing something. They reveal openness, vulnerability.

Questions are also an invitation to an exchange: of ideas, knowledge, perception, etc.

Questions reflect/suggest intimacy. You don’t usually ask questions if you don’t care about something (Apathy is the opposite of being engaged).

So I suppose that creative vulnerability is Art that invites us to connect with the piece and the artist.

An artist who is vulnerable makes us question: ourselves, our world, our fears, our relationships, our politics, our inhibitions, our assumptions. As artists , we can be creatively vulnerable by asking those questions of ourselves, attempting to answer them in our art in a way that provokes our audience to do the same.

So can I do it? Can I be more vulnerable in my work?

Can you?

On the island

I’m writing from the dome room of our hotel in Palma on the island of Mallorca. This is the kind of thing I will miss about living in Europe. Today we spent most of the day exploring, strolling down the cobblestone streets of Palma after our Spanish breakfast, wandering from shop to cafe to ice cream shop, stopping to dance in various plazas with the kids and look for fairies inside the ancient olive trees. It was a lovely day. The previous two days were spent mostly on the beach building sand castles with moats, populated by dragons we discovered in the sand.

Our hotel is in a residential area, and so the beach is empty during the day but fills up when everyone gets off work. It’s like a huge block party on the beach come 7pm.

We still marvel at the Spanish lifestyle: siestas in the afternoon and dinners with the kids at 10pm. Maya, my little Owl Girl, loves it (as do I). She doesn’t mind a nap if it allows her to stay up past 10pm (and sleep in until 8:30).

I’ve been feeling inspired, jotting down notes here and there. Most of them will have to wait until after we’ve moved back to Chicago and settled in. Of course, this will be slightly complicated by the fact that we sold our house and will have a week to pack it up after our return before we close. We haven’t found a new home to move into yet, so we’ll be moving into a short-term rental in Oak Park. It’s a bit chaotic, but I’m looking forward to the opportunity to live in downtown Oak Park, so many great little shops and parks.

Conclave Journal submissions have been coming in at a steady pace, although I’ve fallen behind while on vacation. I have a whole stack of rejections to send out once I’m back in Frankfurt. Some gems in there though, not many but a few. I hope we’ll see more as July 1st approaches.

Hard to believe that we’ll be moving back to Chicago in just over 2 weeks. I’m looking forward to the summer. It will be chaotic and messy and surely a bit stressful, but transitions tend to be that way.